My emotional hangover continues

I just thought about the different types of hangovers.  There is the wine hangover, which leaves you spending more money the next day on stuff you don’t really need. (This is my confession).  There are beer hangovers which I heard are awful because you feel bloated and ugly for weeks (LOL). There are vodka hangovers which are second nature to most of us, (women).  There are the single malt hangover which usually is a breeze, because you never take too much of it. But then there is another type of hangover taking the world by storm: The emotional hangover.

Oh boy nothing is as agonizing as an emotional hangover - fretting about things you might have said that led to this, the result of making terrible life/relationship decisions that causes you to feel like crap and just your life in general.  You know emotional hangovers come to us exactly the way other hangovers come to us.  

Getting the alcohol induced hangover, you know you should not take that extra shot, but you take it anyway because screw this, you want to get drunk.  Similarly you know you must not text or call your ex but oh no, you want to see him, find out if he is thinking and missing you as much as you are thinking and missing him, or God forbid a roll in the hay for old times’ sake, so you do it anyway. What I do know for sure both hangover scenarios leaves you with a searing headache and nauseous.

So here I am today, from being curled up in a fetal position on my bedroom floor three weeks ago, wishing I could evaporate, to going out with my friends and drinking myself to oblivion (not confessing) (and I must admit during those sessions I was able to articulate rational thoughts and clearly see this breakup was the best thing to happen to me. Get this, I even found myself doling out relationship advice, of course completely unsolicited, but what the hell, I was going through a breakup, so here goes), to fantasizing about every bad thing in the book that should happen to my ex guy. For what it is worth, even trying to bargain with Lady Karma, (please let the bastard also get his, let him also feel what I feel right now).

But today it does not work; instead I am the embodiment of guilt, embarrassment, regret.  Come on where did all my anger and rage go?  Today I can’t think of one creative way how he can also suffer.  This inability to stay angry has always been my problem. I don’t often get mad and when I do its temporary.  

Becoming older and hopefully wiser, I feel that anger and hatred are wasted emotions. I now dislike the feeling of being mad at someone and even more so having someone being mad at me.  I am quick to apologize and even quicker to forgive. Some might say it’s a good quality, but is it really? When you have a forgiving nature, people take advantage, fact. Let’s add another thought-provoking fact to that; today I am no longer angry with my ex guy.  Some of you probably will say aahhh come on now Nolene, show some backbone, stay mad, and wish all the bad things on him, it’s too soon, and remember he left you, not the other way around. But I can’t and if it means I am being looked at as too forgiving, then I take it in my stride. I am a very passionate person who stands up for what I believe in and will go head on with anyone with whom I disagree, sometimes even too outspoken.  But I’ve come to learn to not do it out of anger or hatred. For now I just need to figure out how to take my fiery spirit and use it as sword as I continue to trudge through this never ending gauntlet…I mean life.    

What I know for sure, having an emotional hangover is one crazy, roller coaster ride, but like all hangovers it WILL fade.

Cheers,